Tonight I was awakened by heart palpitations. This has happened to me before and I don’t like it. Basically my heart feels likes it’s beating out of rhythm. Moments like these jolt me with the reality of my utter and absolute dependence upon God. Moments like these remind me that I am not as ‘in control’ of my life as I might want to believe. Moments like these force me to think more deeply than I may have been thinking lately. Moments like these bring me face to face with my own mortality and what matters most. And maybe that’s why God allows them…or perhaps more accurately, ordains them in my life from time to time.
As I sit here listening to the Spirit of God speak to me, I am becoming more and more aware that my ‘heart’ has not been beating in rhythm with God’s heart for some time now. Earlier this morning at our worship gathering the focus was on the devastating and deadly effects of sin in our lives and our very real need to actively root out and confront sin in our lives. With God’s help we can indeed ‘throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles’. With God’s help we can indeed ‘demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God’. But we must be intentional and vigilant, lest through his cunning and subtlety Satan lull us into a spiritual coma…a condition in which we go through all the outward appearances of holiness but in reality our hearts are far from our Father’s heart.
For me, I recognize that by refusing to agree with God (confess) about my sin and by refusing to turn fully and passionately towards His face (repentance), I have allowed Satan to steal my joy and render me (temporarily) ineffective as a servant of the Most High God. I know some may be wondering just what this sin or sins must be. Well for me it’s quite simple – pride. Pride that has caused me to be judgemental of other brothers and sisters and to do so under the guise of being discerning. Pride that has caused me to hold back and to withhold outward expressions of love towards other people as well as God Himself. Pride that has made my once soft, malleable heart hard.
But tonight I praise God for His grace and mercy that have once again led me back to His heart. And I rejoice in a ‘heart’ that is once again beating in rhythm with His. So no matter what happens with my physical heart, I am grateful beyond words that all is well for those who cling to, rely upon, trust and rest in Jesus. Hallelujah! Even so…come LORD Jesus!
